Freedom Thighs 2012

I couldn't tell you specifically what I like so much about the Freedom Thighs bike ride. There's an inexpressible feeling it gives you, something pictures and text may not have the ability to convey, but I'll try.

Outside the Birdhouse

The bike ride happens each 4th of July, meeting at the Birdhouse around 4pm. Bikers line up in the street, listen to a rendition on the Star Spangled Banner (this year, Dolly Parton's), and begin their patriotic cruise through the neighborhoods of Knoxville.



Most attendees are decked out in American themed apparel. I myself bought a flag vest a couple years back for my first Freedom Thighs, and it's become a go-to for this ride each year. This year, two synchronized boom boxes towed behind bikes busted out jams ranging from Ludacris's Roll Out to some USA themed songs sung in Spanish.

Eagle on Rollerblades!

I couldn't tell you either, if there is any common thread that runs through each of the bikers who come each year to ride this ride.

 I overheard one hipster-looking biker say to his friends as I slowly meandered past them, "I can't tell if this race is satirical or not. It seems like there are a lot of truly patriotic people here, but I know there are some anarchists here as well... and just so y'all know, I bought this (American flag) t-shirt at Wal-Mart."



Sidenote: I don't know much about this subject, but it's true that there is a small contingent of anarchists that like to ride bicycles in Knoxville. They're some real nice people, yet would a true anarchist attend an American-themed bike ride? Are anarchists known to be especially ironic?*

Maybe what I like about the ride is the simultaneous delight and confusion I feel.



Freedom Thighs does mostly draw a bunch of white hipsters, it's true.

Part of the route winds through some East Knox neighborhoods which are predominantly inhabited by African Americans. These are some of my favorite streets to ride through because there is such a great community presence there. So many families came out on their porches to cheer on us white kids dressed like idiots.

And together, we all cheered on America.

 If that's not patriotic, I couldn't tell you what is.

Babe-raham Lincoln

We made a stop at the Pilot on Magnolia. That Pilot made a billion dollars yesterday, and so did the ice-cream man who stopped there when he saw all of us.

Love grows at Pilot

Then some idiot started shooting fireworks. Really? At a gas station? I can't say everyone on the ride is the brightest.




I saw many faces on the ride that have moved away from Knoxville over the past few years. They come back for this ride, and that's saying something.




I didn't end up finishing out the whole route. I think they went about 10 miles in all, making various stops to rest, consume cold beverages, and eat hotdogs, but I had a cookout calling my name.

The Ice-Cream man found us

If you have been intrigued in the slightest by this post, you should consider taking a chance on shenaniganery and joining the ride next year. No one fits in, but we all do because we're American, you know what I'm saying?



 Wherever the 4th of July took you, whether you were enjoying a/c with normal, calm people or with a bunch of hooligans on bikes, I do hope it was as merry one.

Facilitators of Freedom Thighs

*Questions for another time.

Another Knoxville Halloween down

I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween yesterday and this past weekend. I love how when the holiday falls near the weekend, Knoxville spends night upon night in festive attire. This city has taught me a lot about Halloween, and I know if I ever move from here, it will most likely be on Halloween that I'll miss it most. Many thanks to all those who dressed up and made it a good one this year.

I noticed a strong Dia de Los Muertos presence this year. Also, lots of nerds and bloody people, even bloody nerds. I like, too, how lots of people wore normal stylish attire but had dark makeup around their eyes- Halloween's fashion models.

Here are some photos taken before the TVB Halloween Alley Cat Race last night. These crazy people rode about eight miles around town in their costumes. Pretty awesome.

All I have to say is: girl on right with unibrow.

I assume the guy on the left is dead somewhere in a ditch. How he rode on a bike in that thing, I don't know.

Can you guess what Wild Bill and I are? Btw, I think he just wanted an excuse to bare his chest.

In other news, they started decorating for Christmas today in Krutch Park

A North Knoxville Delicacy

Yesterday, I was taking some back roads to my house from the Walgreen's on Broadway. My friend Jeff was with me, visiting from out of town.

I drove by the market on 6th Avenue, an establishment I've passed many times before. As I did, I said to Jeff, "I've always wanted to stop in there," to which he replied rather slowly, "Annus."

I looked up, noticing the signage for the first time, and almost ran a stop sign when I realized he was saying the name of the market.

We pronounced it several different ways, but there was no way around it being hilarious. I don't know how I missed it all these years, and while I wonder how anyone could name anything Annus, I'm glad they did. I haven't laughed that hard in some time.

Blue Steel on a Meme

We're not responsible for it, but it's something we wish we'd thought of. Facebook has exploded in the past few days with Stephen A. Burroughs Memes, honoring our favorite personal injury lawyer.

We here at the Wigshop have long be fans of the East Tn. Lawyer, as evidenced by this post, this post, this post and this post. We could spend all day uploading our favorite contributed memes celebrating the Blue Steeled Billboard King, but instead we'll let you go take a look yourself. We are pretty partial to this one, though ...


That's right, Knoxville. You now know the other half of the secret.

We're also glad to see he has a sense of humor about it all (he's been lurking on the wall of the FB page).

He's got his eye on you

I don't know if Blue Steel is making an appearance or if he's just encouraging you to attend Sassy Ann's tonight.

AAAHHHHH!!!

Blue Steel...















 ... is in yo' backseat!

in my dreams

Sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk at work, I dream of a secret life playing roller derby. I'd come to work with black eyes and cuts on my face, but I would never tell anyone where they really came from. "Oh that?" I'd say. "I ran into my kitchen cabinet," or "Oh, that's from when I fell out of bed this morning. It's merely a scratch."

Everyone would know I was lying, but they'd be too scared to ask what really happened. If we had a water cooler, my co-workers would whisper, "I think B joined a fight club," over their paper cups of water.

I already know what my roller derby name would be. I came up with it as the heavens parted and light shone down on me from above. Thuggs Bunny. It's tough, yet feminine ...and it's ridiculous. 

Reality is not as fun as my dreams. There are two large reasons why I can't play roller derby: My health insurance is not that great and I've always been a pansy. But Thuggs Bunny can dream, can't she?

I can also get my fix of roller derby by watching the Hard Knox Roller Girls play at the coliseum. I went to my first game a few weeks ago. Granted, I had had a few beverages prior to the game at a World Cup party, but I had a blast. I was yelling, cheering, giving high fives, I was even compelled to fist pump a few times. That's much more than I can say has ever happened at any other sporting event in my life.

Their next home game is August 14th at the Coliseum. When you go, look out for Goblynn; She is the scariest person I have ever seen, but she skates and throws 'bows like a champion. Here are some images to entice you.







I also am now the Sunsphere Mascot's #1 fan. I took more video footage of her than anything.



I was never quick enough to catch one of her high kicks, her main move when her players are tearing it up. On her back reads "Sunsphere This." You just can't beat it.

blue steel on a bus

Or is it Magnum?

This guy is everywhere. Just waiting to get on 40 and up rolls this gem. Amazing.

Coincidentally, anyone heard that a Zoolander sequel is in the works? I bet it will be really really really ridiculously good...looking.

Bzzzz...spelling bee for grownups

When I was in 8th grade, I won my school's spelling bee. I had been trying to lose on purpose so I would not have to advance to the regional event, but I miscalculated the remaining turns and ended up winning nonetheless. So I found myself with a lot of unwanted studying to do. After all, I was supposed represent Saint Pat's School with pride and charisma and spelling, and I did not want to do it.

I did not study. I was about to be in deep trouble. To use a middle school spelling word, it was a predicament. Then, like a magic gift, the week before Regionals I had an emergency appendectomy and was in the hospital for a week, hence rendering me unable to attend Regionals. My classmate, runner-up William, had to go in my place. But he was always the true bellwhether, and he ended up going to Yale. So he probably belonged at that Bee anyway.

(As a strange aside, that was also the week that we all had to build catapults for science class, and my partner Jenny came to the hospital so we could test the catapult in the hallways. I think the nurses had fun with that. Physics.)

Anyway, moral of the story is that I hate to participate in Spelling Bees. Too much work, too much anxiety. But I have always enjoyed watching them. I adore the Scripps spelling bee and look forward to watching it on ESPN every year. I'm also a huge fan of the documentary Spellbound. Those kids, for the most part, have such poise; and I just don't know how they do it. I am a bundle of anxiety the whole time I watch them. Even when watching the same documentary I've already seen.

If you are like me, then perhaps you will want to get yourself to the Pilot Light tonight at 8pm. They're hosting their inaugural ADULT SPELLING BEE (!!!!!). How cool is that? I think it promises to be a very scintillating, if not slightly weird, event. Note that some words will be of a mature nature. So if you're a prude, this event might not be for you.

It's free to watch and 5 bucks to enter, but you get one free PBR with entry. And we all know how to spell PBR.

Merry Drunkmas?

This is one of the more interesting things happening this weekend that is off most community calendars' radar.

In an effort to raise funds to put a roof on the Mary Boyce Temple House, Brian Pittman (the owner) is hosting a Hobo Cabaret at his house tomorrow night, Friday, December 11. The admission is by donation, but he wants you to come even if you can't give much.

There will be two performances, one at 8 and one at 10pm. There will be drinks and snacks and a little crassness (leave the kiddies at home) And don't forget to dress warmly. It is, after all, a hobo cabaret. 

omg wtf

Continuing The Pol's "Inane Knoxville" theme, here's a little something I spotted the other day. Click on the image to zoom in. That license plate is teh kewlest lol !!!1!!

I'm sure you've noticed

It looks like our good friend Blue Steel has some competition.
Guess they finally decided to bust out the big guns.

photo by max

Monday mustache mash up

So you're telling me you like mustaches huh? Well don't fret, because The Square Room has sensed the lack of Mustachioed events here in Knoxville, and has hatched a plan to increase our town's fuzz-factor. 

The Square Room is offering a bit of solace from the clean shaven world for those who bear the facial mark as well as those who just enjoy being around hairy upper lips.


Tonight is the start of a series of Monday night variety shows held at the Square Room in an effort to round out their offerings beyond the scope of musical shows. Admission is free, and drinks are cheap (cheaper if you've got a mustache (seriously)) AND there are mustaches for sale if you'd like to partake in the frivolity as well as the discounted drinks.

I'm not sure exactly what to expect from this evening's debut, but if mustaches are on the menu, then there's no telling where the night will lead.

Doors open at 5:00. Stache early and stache often.

Einstein Simplified

Last night i had the opportunity to experience something that I had never, well... experienced before. Three words came from last night: funny, Einstein, Simplified. Every tuesday night at 8:30pm the improv comedy group, Einstein Simplified, gets together on stage at Patrick Sullivan's down in the Old City. Last night was my first time to see the show and I must say that I left with a sore abdomen from all of the laughing that was endured.

The group goes through several games that involve skits, made up vocabulary, no vocabulary (re: silent film), impersonations, etc. etc. My favorite was the lexicon game where each guy lines up and says a random letter. Then one of them has to pronounce the word they just spelled and give its definition, etymology, and use. The humor is smart but sometimes strays into the potty range, but then again, you know you want to laugh. I'm not complaining.

The show starts at 8:30 but you will want to get there a bit early to grab a seat. The house fills up pretty quickly. There is no cover charge at the door, but donations are accepted after the show. The upstairs bar is open as well so that you can quench your thirst and subsequently spew it out of your nose an instant later.

According to their website (www.einsteinsimplified.com) the group, or some variation thereof, has been performing since 1994. How did I miss this for so long??? Am I crazy? Yes. Should you go? Yes. I give it 8 of 10 wigs. Thanks for a good time.

blatant filler post

The Wigshop is running on a skeleton crew this week, so here goes.
This might be one of the Greatest B Movies of All Time, one that deals with racism in a thoughful, sensitive manner:

The Thing With Two Heads!


"Why you guys gotta do this to me?!"
I love the funky music that cues in at 0:50.

Who needs the new Grand Theft Auto IV?

"I wanted to do hoodrat stuff for my friend."


hat tip: my man Rob B.

i done put mah brother in the trunk so the tv fit in mah car, and the po-lice done arrested me!

The title says it all. See here.
Stay classy, East Tennessee.

more squid

Ok, so this isn't exactly Knoxville-centric...
Ever since the Cthulhu mural brouhaha last week, I keep seeing squid stuff around the net. Check this out- the Humboldt Squid are invading the West Coast. And these guys are something I never want to encounter in the ocean.

Update: this is another type of squid... with press-on nails

What Would You Do If...

maybe if daniel stern narrated dawson's creek or the oc, i would have watched them. maybe. ok, i did watch the 1st and 2nd season of the oc, but ONLY for the music. maybe

bonus: what other project did daniel stern and fred savage collaborate on together?

hat tip: will cote

white people LOVE gentrification...

...including this white person.

I found a funny blog today, Stuff White People Like, categorically documenting all the things we crazy white people love. Being a white person, it's almost painful to read and yet so true.
This post about gentrification (#73) rang very true, given the house endeavor Alice and I are starting:

In general, white people love situations where they can’t lose. While this does account for the majority of their situations, perhaps the safest bet a white person can make is to buy a house in an up-and-coming neighborhood.

White people like to live in these neighborhoods because they get credibility and respect from other white people for living in a more “authentic” neighborhood where they are exposed to “true culture” every day. So whenever their friends mention their home in the suburbs or richer urban area, these people can say “oh, it’s so boring out there, so fake. In our neighborhood, things are just more real.” This superiority is important as white people jockey for position in their circle of friends.

They are like a modern day Lewis and Clark, except instead of searching for the ocean, they are searching for old properties to renovate.

In a few years, if more white people start moving in, these initial trailblazers will sell their property for triple what they paid and move into an ultramodern home.

Credibility or money, they can’t lose!

As many of you know, Alice and I are finishing a house in the Mechanicsville this spring. Pretty soon I'll be posting progress pictures at my blog.

Every time someone says to me, "Isn't that neighborhood kinda rough? I don't know if I could live there" my ego inflates a little. I think about them, "Of course you couldn't. But that's how real we are. You know, the nitty gritty of real life." I need to punch myself in the face.